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  • Writer's pictureJeannette Kroeskop

Zen or not so zen

Updated: Mar 21, 2022

Do you know that feeling, wonderfully relaxed with a cup of tea on the couch and feeling completely 'zen'?You enjoy and think ahhhh this is it, I will do this more often!

An hour later you are running and running because everything is happening and everything "has to", and preferably even now… or yesterday… and pop… you have lost that wonderful relaxed feeling and you meet all kinds of expectations again!

I regularly hear from people that they experience that so much is expected of them… but is that the case. Because who actually expects so much from you? Your environment or do you expect (too) much from yourself? Who wants to be a good mother / father and perfect partner, have a career, run the household smoothly, exercise, think for others, arrange and fill in, worry, stress stress stress….

If you sit quietly on the couch can you do that without feeling guilty? Or are you already working on what you will be doing later? Are you already making the grocery list while drinking tea? Are you busy with your work while you play soccer with the children? Are you doing a lot at the same time because so much has to be done? Never have time for yourself? No wonder that you experience little 'zen' and find life tough!

Because you can never meet all expectations and that way there is also a lot on your plate. The good thing is that you can change that by changing yourself. If you make choices to do things differently AND actually do things differently. If you don't want to keep all those balls in the air but see which ones are really important and yours. Really choose. Then investigate why you want to keep those balls in the air. Then you can leave all those other balls for what they are and / or give them back to the person who is actually responsible for them. Sounds simple and with a little discipline it is!

All balls in the air is a very recognisable topic to me, as they say; been there - done that! For so long felt responsible for everything and everyone, always wanted to help, smooth out, resolve. Because if everyone is happy then I am too… right?

No!!! If I am not happy I can never make my environment happy. If I can't take good care of myself how can I take good care of the other person? If I do not set boundaries, how does the other know that he is crossing them?

Following a good example is a well-known saying and it is true. So if I listen carefully to my inner compass, my intuition, my feeling or whatever you want to call it, then I know what is right for me at that moment. Then I follow that inner advice, even though I sometimes hiccups. Then I take regular breaks and I really plan that. In addition to meditation, I regularly spend an hour alone in the forest, which is very soothing and grounding for me. Or I grab a book and some tea to sit on the couch and think this next hour is mine. Sometimes I just stare out the window for half an hour doing nothing, looking at the birds, the sun, the trees. Sometimes I take a longer break, have a nice massage or go out for a part of the day, for example to a museum, meet up with friends, go for a nice meal, etc..

Yes, easy to say, you don't have a family, I hear. Indeed, then it may be faster to realise, not necessarily easier. Yet you can also make room for yourself in a busy family life. By making choices and mutual agreements. By making it clear that if you are sitting on the couch with a book, it is an hour to recharge so that you are completely there for the other person afterwards. Make it clear to yourself and your environment why you need and take those moments for yourself. This way you stay in balance, a more pleasant person to be with, you do the necessary things with more focus and you shred the attention much less, which is also less tiring.

The result is that you will have time ... for even more moments for yourself :). And in this way you also set a good example to your environment because you guard your boundaries, you are clear, relaxed and can therefore listen with attention. Your environment then more easily accepts that you have your zen moments because they experience the benefit of it. After all, you set an example and it can be an enormous stimulus for your environment to, for example, take each other more into account. To really hear and see each other.

What I am curious about is how do you deal with the hectic pace of everyday life? How do you deal with all those 'requests' from your surroundings? Do you plan your own zen moments consciously or only when it is convenient? How do you best relax and do you want to share that with me? By sharing we can inspire each other, gain new ideas, help each other to build more balance in the daily in a simple feasible way!

Thank you for your comments !!!

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